Renwick dust off the cobwebs in annual RP fest

4 Feb
  • Renwick 5 – 1 “Ministers”
  • Ministers dismissed by second half rally
  • Dunwoody bows out with assist and applause

AK Sport is honoured to receive Philip’s final match report. According to the Renwick Director of Football coverage rights expire after 7 days. We’re still looking forward to hearing Shall We Sing’s side of the story.

The annual “Jonny McCollum Cup”, or RP Football Day as it’s also known, was contested recently between Renwick FC and what was generously described as a Ministers’ XI, which consisted of only three practising preachers and random collection of students, short term servants, former short terms servants, and others with no real theological titles to hide under whatsoever. Anyway, setting aside the issue, both teams met in the centre circle to begin the game in the traditional form, with ministers and renwickians coming together in a pre-match opening prayer.

It being the biggest day in the RP sporting calendar, Renwick manager Andy Morrison suddenly found himself with all sorts of selection problems, with everyone wanting to jump on the bandwagon for the day! Morrison however stuck to a trusted line-up, with Andy McKelvey stepping into midfield in place of the absent Gavin Blackwell, and Ian Buchanan partnering Mark upfront. Robert Cromie graciously (or perhaps just because he wanted a full game, having looked at the oversubscribed Renwick bench!) lent his services to the ministers’ cause, and Chris Carson was handed refereeing duties for the first half.

The first half, unfortunately was a fairly forgettable affair. As has been the norm in previous years, Renwick’s winter break of a month and a half without a game showed clearly in an opening half hour of scrappy play and misplaced passes. The Brothers Loughridge, one at the back and one at the front, bellowed out their encouragement to the “ministers” all day, eager to keep things scrappy and physical and slow down the tempo whenever they could. Their stand-out player this half was probably student Robert McCollum, who broke up play in midfield and tried to play in P Mo and Jonny McCollum out wide at every opportunity. Renwick, by contrast, were unable to establish much fluency, and Mark McCavery was restricted to only half chances in the danger area. The break-through came late in the half, when Ian Buchanan latched onto the ball inside the box on the left, and poked it into the corner past Andy Lytle. Renwick barely merited the goal, having given a fairly awful display thus far, but in fairness James hadn’t much to do at the other end. Soon after Renwick doubled their lead, when Phil sent in a corner from the left low at the near post, and substitute Tim McCollum stole in to poke home his third of the season. This was a killer blow to the ministers, who had battled hard all half and must surely have been deflated by what was a slightly harsh half time score of 2-0.

In the first photo, Tim attacks the ball, and then wheels away in celebration after scoring

The Renwick lads were thoroughly annoyed with themselves at half time, having failed to produce the sort of football that has steered them to the top of the league this season, but with a two goal cushion they had no reason not to step it up in attack in the second half. Phil Aicken and Tim McCollum had already come on in the first half; now Andy McKelvey went to the back, Alistair Rollestion replaced Ben Hanna (who shamelessly galloped to the “ministers’” huddle to replace the injured P Mo) and Mark Porter came on to add some muscle to the midfield in place of Ian. Renwick took the game to their opponents more forcefully this half, but Mark McCavery had as tough a battle as he is likely to face all season with Rev. Nigel Agnew, and Renwick were shut out by Aggers and Pete Loughridge repeatedly this half. Andy Lytle also excelled in goal, coming off his line early and securing the ball in the area. Joel Loughridge was also battling away at the other end, determined to get one over his old team-mates in Carlos Tevez fashion, but the centre back combination of Andy McKelvey and Dave Smith were having none of it.

The “ministers’” gave Renwick a scare by responding with a goal which halved the deficit. Ben Hanna swung it over and Pete Loughridge stole in to rise highest at the back post and power home a header. Joel was beside himself with joy at this, but it was to be nothing more than consolation. Renwick eventually scored what was perhaps the decisive goal of the game, when some good passing in midfield with Phil Aicken and Rob McCaughan set up Mark Porter on the edge of the area, who hit a great strike into the far corner, giving the keeper no chance. As the “ministers” tired, and Renwick continually rotated in their various subs, the Elmwood side got more time and space in the final third. Rob McCaughan gave Prof. Norris Wilson a particularly torrid time, and bagged himself a goal shortly after the “ministers’” first.

Rob on another mazy run, having left his marker for dead

Philip Dunwoody, playing his last game for Renwick, was desperate to get on the score sheet and bow out in the grand manner, but despite a freer role in the second half, didn’t manage to fashion a chance. Instead, and perhaps more appropriately given the nature of his role for Renwick over the years, he set up an audacious fifth for Rob McCaughan with five minutes to go – a loose ball seemed to be heading out for a “minister” throw in the corner, but Dunwoody kept it in, beat Bun, and hit in a dangerous low ball along the six yard line for McCaughan to poke in (excuse the indulgence, but it was the captain’s last contribution for Renwick!). Just before the end, Manager Morrison pulled the winger off, and he was given a warm and generous round of applause for his part in the game and the past few seasons. For the record, it’s been great craic and I already miss it. Folding up that no. 7 for someone else to wear for the next game was not easy!

So eventually the game wound down to an end, the ministers and the others having given Renwick a good scrap for much of the game and enjoying the good fellowship and friendly banter that goes along with this wonderful competition. It probably wasn’t the greatest game to watch, but ticks the box for Renwick in terms of brushing off the winter cobwebs and gearing up for the league run-in. Man-of-the-match was surely Nigel Agnew, who played like a lion at the back for the ministers and ensured Renwick thought twice before launching the ball to his vicinity! A great contribution too from Robert McCaughan on the left wing; with more game time he should play an important part for Renwick over the next few weeks.

No nonsense

Finally, thanks to the Loughridges for assembling and organising the opposition, and for ensuring it was a meaningful and hard fought contest! It only remains for me to point out that, having failed to fulfil his promise to report the game on SWS, this is surely the end of Steelo’s days as a serious and significant sports broadcaster. You read it here first on Another King!

More excellent photography from Sam and Erin (and maybe in due course, video highlights of the match):

Jonny bearing down on goal

Rev. Cromie

Short shorts award

Gareth appears out of nowhere to deny the ministers a goal with the keeper well beaten



What is Joel doing?


23 Responses to “Renwick dust off the cobwebs in annual RP fest”

  1. Joel 'SWS till I die' L February 4, 2010 at 9:20 am #


    1) The ministers goal made it 2-1, not 3-1, and clearly gave Renwick a fright.
    2) The final photo is clear homage to Renwick legend Simon Curry.
    Boys, go learn your RHFC history, before you ever pull on that 50 games jersey again.

    Lame. The real story will be appearing on SWS soon. Delays due to work commitments. Doubt AK would know much about that sort of thing!

    P.S. Steelo – SWS is now blocked under the Civil Service’s web filter, due to being in the “Malicious Websites” category! Your a real life fundamentalist now!

    P.P.S. G photos!

    P.P.P.S. Ben Hanna proudly appearing in both team photos. G!

  2. Peter February 4, 2010 at 11:24 am #

    Thoroughly dishonourable conduct from AK!


    A disappointing breach of a gentleman’s agreement! Poor show!


    PS – never mind appearing in both photos, apparently Ben is claiming all six goals!!!

  3. Peter February 4, 2010 at 11:25 am #

    PPS – was there any need for the sniping of the opening paragraph after a match that was played in a very, very good spirit??

    One wonders if the author has been hanging around NI politicians too much and some of their spirit is rubbing off on him!

  4. Philip February 4, 2010 at 11:39 am #

    Apologies if there was any offence caused, this was also meant in good spirit but we’ll get rid of it. Goal order now rectified. AK assumed there was no match report coming, as it’s been over a week!!

  5. James February 4, 2010 at 11:47 am #

    Order of goals corrected.

    Credit to the photos I think belongs to Sam Peilow.

    Official AK Statement regarding the rights issue:

    “Another King Sport had a voluntary agreement with Shall We Sing and Renwick House Football Club regarding the coverage of the Jonny McCollum Cup. SWS failed to honour the agreement by failing to cover the event through the absence of coverage before the next Renwick fixture had taken place. It appears that SWS was distracted by girls posting and weddings in a continued pattern of appealing solely to a middle-aged readership. There was also a growing fear that some sort of report might actually appear in the Messenger more quickly than on the internet, if one ever appeared at all. When Philip Dunwoody approached Another King seeking to rectify the situation with a final match report from the Renwick stalwart, Another King deemed it would be irresponsible journalism to refuse such an offer which would satisfy the desires of readers of the RP interweb.”

    Unofficial rumour:

    “Some reports suggest that AK writers were in part motivated in accepting Philip’s offer to write a report by the desire to continue winding up Steelo and the Loughridges. AK Sport refused to comment on this issue.”

    The irony of the criticism that AK receives if a Renwick match report is not up until Friday in light of SWS’s failure to produce a match report of the JMcC Cup has been duly noted!

  6. James February 4, 2010 at 11:51 am #

    Philip has submitted a revised opening paragraph that has now replaced the original.

  7. Jonny February 4, 2010 at 12:21 pm #

    Good to see that Simon is still pulling faces in photos while on the other side of the world:

    For anyone who’s interested in how he’s getting on, here’s a blog:

  8. Joel 'SWS till I die' L February 4, 2010 at 12:46 pm #

    “The irony of the criticism that AK receives if a Renwick match report is not up until Friday in light of SWS’s failure to produce a match report of the JMcC Cup has been duly noted!”

    Thats because AK writers are students with nothing better to do. All criticisim of AK writers is therefore fully justified.

    Getting the goal order wrong and missing classic caption opportunites was kinda an O.G. in your efforts to get a one over SWS. (But rest assured, Ben Hanna will claim this OG has his goal.) If I was in your presence now I would be making loud “MAAA” noises in a childish manner everytime you tried to speak, and going “YOOOO, WHATTA TELL YE”. And so by botching the report the you’ve handed the victory to SWS.

    And Yes, I am aware that it may seem hypocritcal to comment on you having “nothing to do” as I have no left two comments during work hours! :D

    And all in all, in closing, by and by…It’s fitting that the match have two reports and one done by the departing RHFC legend.

  9. Joel 'SWS till I die' L February 4, 2010 at 12:55 pm #

    Furthermore, As author of the forthcoming SWS report I would like to draw your attention to the following blog post:

  10. Peter February 4, 2010 at 1:54 pm #

    Cheers Phil.

    James, following the events of last Wed (?) evening and an apparent AK editorial resignation, would you not be better off trying to control what is posted on AK rather than worrying about SWS!!! :-P

    :-D :-D :-D

    And this report still needed Joel to come on and school you!

    Has Steelo any comment to make on the matter or does he feel too betrayed??!

  11. Steven February 4, 2010 at 3:19 pm #

    Rematch anyone???
    Can’t believe Joel is doing the curry pose, it wasn’t his idea!!
    Renwick did get a bit of a scare when it was 2-1 especially as the ministers had a few chances to level it.
    Another stand out performance for the ministers was Andy Lyttle, who keep the visiting team in it for most of the match till the legs started to tire.
    Anyone remember an amazing chance by legs eleven “Jonny McCollum” a volley from outside the area that he struck on the bounce very sweetly but rose to high.

  12. James February 4, 2010 at 4:05 pm #

    Lol. Yea I think the phrase for this post is hoisted by our own petard but if we didn’t do anything controversial the blog would be even more boring.

    Peter: Did you see that post? That’s hilarious, I thought I’d got that down before anyone saw!

    “Thats because AK writers are students with nothing better to do. All criticisim of AK writers is therefore fully justified.” – Agreed!

  13. Joel L February 4, 2010 at 4:23 pm #



  14. Ali February 4, 2010 at 5:42 pm #

    Seriously guys, must all Renwick Football reports turn into a massive slagging match?

    P.S No doubt I will now recieve a massive “schooling” for this comment……

  15. Peter February 4, 2010 at 5:51 pm #

    Don’t pretend you weren’t excited Ali when you saw an AK post had 13 comments! :-D James is totally right: “if we didn’t do anything controversial the blog would be even more boring. ”

    Aye James, I saw it last week. I must’ve just logged on at exactly the right moment (or, from your perspective, wrong moment!) I only wish I’d taken a screen print of it as I intended to do but then forgot. It could have proved a valuable bargaining tool in this current controversy!!!

  16. Andy February 4, 2010 at 6:12 pm #

    So, everything else aside, when can we actually expect the SWS report?

    It should be noted that photos were added to this post very late on last night and so time for captioning was very limited. However if anyone wants to contribute captions that’s fine…

    I’d suggest starting with this one:

    Also, for the record, this week’s match report is written, and will be online once photos arrive from the official photographer

  17. Conor February 4, 2010 at 11:13 pm #

    In the last photo Joel is being Joel, and thats why we love him! And why we love Simon too!

    Sad for a founding Renwick FC player to read the match report and not have played! Great tradition though!

  18. Jonny February 4, 2010 at 11:56 pm #

    ‘Sad for a founding Renwick FC player to read the match report and not have played!’

    Why do you think Strob’s at college?

  19. Strob February 5, 2010 at 8:47 am #

    :-) Your right jonny. The only reason I’m at college is so that I could be eligible for the “ministers”. Session and presbytery were actually keen for me to enter college for the same reason!

    There is still time Conor! ;-)

  20. Joel L February 5, 2010 at 1:10 pm #

    Conor, you could have played a ringer for your Dad. No-one would have noticed. Just look at the general confusion over on this post:

    Though they might have wondered why Knox wasn’t performing as well as normal

  21. Conor February 6, 2010 at 11:40 pm #

    Yeah i couldnt have brought down dads reputation like that, wouldnt be fair!

    nah strob the kids need me….

    college for you tho johnny? your gonna have to find some way of playing every year. maybe just sts for life??

  22. PMO February 8, 2010 at 10:01 pm #

    I want a rematch before this time next year. Now injury free – at least until the next rugby match.


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