Major on the Minors

8 May
This is the fifth part of the series “How to be a Completely Ineffective Church Member” by Rev.McCullough which have previously appeared in the Messenger.

Communication from the dark side states that we do not need much counsel on this line of pursuit of ineffectiveness, it seems to come so naturally to us. There are several strands of thought that you simply must never pursue lest your slip sliding away into the vague mists of ineffectiveness come to an abrupt end: namely the glory of God in all you do, growing in Christian maturity, reaching the lost with the gospel and developing church life so that the world is aware what grace can do in people’s lives.

It is much more beneficial to give your time, thought and energies to dwelling on the minors of life. On a personal level when you read your Bible major on the minors: who the author of Hebrews is, was behemoth a dinosaur, did Adam and Eve have a belly button! On no account start any in depth Bible study with a good reading note or devotional commentary. Do not make any effort to get to grips with the central doctrines of who God is, who man is, what propitiation, justification and sanctification are, or grapple with the work of the Holy Spirit, or what the Bible says about heaven and hell. Stick to the focussing on the minors: should we use shortbread or pan loaf for communion; did the disciples drink alcoholic wine at the Lord’s supper or just grape juice; how far west did Paul actually journey. With regard to your minister major on his minors: he doesn’t wear a collar, he has a rather strange way of pronouncing certain words and of course that strange eye catching twitch. Don’t think about his faithfulness and compassion as he preaches the Word or his attentiveness to your great aunt Sally when she was dying in the nursing home.

In CY you want to ensure that your whole programme is based round minors and not majors. Each year have a good smattering of topics like: should we call it Sabbath or Sunday; should minister’s wear clerical collars or not; should Christians tithe their gross or net salary; should jeans be allowed in church; should God only be addressed by Thee and Thou. After a few years of such debates your young people will be ready for majoring on the minors in the wider congregational level. At a congregational level it is vital that whenever you get the opportunity drop in the Bible version debate. This discussion is excellent for clogging up the wheels of progress and even usually adds in a few grains of gravely disharmony. You want also to give a good deal of your time to considering the wording of the New Psalter. Spend hours pouring over each of the carefully translated psalms comparing them with the words you know from your past. Try and engage as many others as you can on these matters.

Whenever opportunity arises for discussion on the way forward for your congregation, again the minors are best for ineffectiveness. Stick to things like: should the psalm tunes be up on the board for visitors; what colour of paint will send out the best message to passers by. Avoid like the plague any discussion regarding how to enhance the spiritual life of the members, what could be done to foster family worship or how to help the elders in their Christ given task of oversight.
Try and help those in leadership to see that they should be focussing much of their thinking and energy on whether we should or shouldn’t use communion tokens, what dress style is appropriate for worship. If you hear of any straying unto topics like addressing the life threatening seeping away of our young people, helping ministers be better preacher and pastors; in service training for elders, plans for revitalising weak congregations and stimulating growth or even days of prayer, beware for all your efforts at ineffectiveness will come to naught.

Bible Bit to avoid: II Peter 1:3-11
Dromore RPC
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5 Responses to “Major on the Minors”

  1. Ojalanpoika May 10, 2008 at 11:37 am #

    Here are 150 figure examples of the Dinoglyfs & Dinolits documented by man:
    http://www.helsinki.fi/~pjojala/Dinosaurs-in-history.htm

    Let’s remember that the longest and most detailed description of ANY animal in the Jewish Scriptures was having to do with “dragon” leviathan (Job 40-41). Other names were behemoth, rahab and tannin. The latter seems to be a general word for them as a group. Curiously, it is the term used in the very first chapter of the Bible. Actually, tannin were the animals created first according to Genesis. In Job 40, G*d calls behemot as the first animal come up with.

    pauli.ojala@gmail.com
    Biochemist, drop-out (M.Sci. Master of Sciing)
    http://www.helsinki.fi/~pjojala/Expelled-ID.htm

  2. rob dp May 14, 2008 at 11:28 pm #

    i wonder how ken ham would answer ojalanwhatshis/her namepoika. anyways my dad said to me, the free church of scotland psalm book is easier to sing from than our new psalm book, just wantd your thoughts on that.

  3. James McCullough May 15, 2008 at 4:18 pm #

    I don’t think this article was designed to provoke a debate over minor issues or who could major most on the most minor topic but if anyone can beat Ojalanpika please feel free to try!

  4. rob dp May 16, 2008 at 10:47 pm #

    http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/bloodline/trailer/
    could be a close second

  5. James McCullough May 17, 2008 at 8:37 pm #

    lol

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